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Family and Religion

They do it in the name of love

They think they are the voice of the one above

They care till your heart hurts

In the meantime in turns out they are the real perverts

They intrude and dictate,

Brainwash and fixate

What is wrong and what is right

For our religion they say we have to fight

Never mind who get trampled along the way

‘Its all about G-d’ they say

He will prevail they tell us

If not now it will be when we have been returned to the dust

Its not the life here that really counts

Its all your good deeds which each day mounts…

All I know is what I hear and see down below

What my heart and mind tells me I know

They do not lie and tell me stories about family and love

Or about a life that I will live up above

So… to my family who claim they care

You may crush and condemn and live in despair

Living my truth was more important to me

I am truly sorry if You and G-d dont agree…

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Ultra-orthodox Jewish mother wins right to send children to mainstream school

As my journey continues it seems the whole Charedi community is taken by surprise as to why I would want my children to have a ‘normal’ education!

Here is the link to the article which depicts my story:


The article took me by surprise as it seems the ‘eyes’ of the Charedi community were on this case and they are in shock that I (a woman without the power, money and of course tefillas and tehillim of the community) have won!

After all, who would understand that a decent education + skills = job = money. And no! of course money will not rain down as it did for all the great rabbis who lived many many years ago. Actually it does… I suppose in the form of state benefits… Obviously I am not on that spiritual level to rely on god to pour his money down to me….

And why would they understand that ‘normal’ people consider it preposterous that teenagers of 18 or 19 would be happily married forever after because their parents and the local matchmaker thought the boy and girl are suitable based on thier ‘yichus’ or ‘gevalidge hasmodeh’ in learning…. 

Those who read this article and read about my triumph and struggle can take courage and strength from the fact that contrary to our ‘brainwashing’ that life ‘out there’ is dangerous and full of the evils of Western culture life is actually worth living… Western culture is indeed as luring and captivating as they told us!  I feels like the blindfold has been removed from my eyes and I have stepped into the wonderland of 21st century living. 

The thought that I can eat at any restaurant I like and watch any film I like, buy any clothes I fancy makes me feel giddy and exhilarated…I know I will be going to hell for this cause if something feels this good its gotta be wrong right? I actually feel like there has been a mistake… obviously in some other unknown life I might be going to hell… but for now why worry what will be when I will be 6 feet under? I am in heaven now.. I have suffered long and hard to enter paradise… but now I am here and I am savoring every bite, every sight, and feel like my life is suddenly worth living….


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Heading On The Derech….

As a woman who is going along the journey of leaving it all behind to a ‘better life’ or better yet the real ‘Gan Eden’ together with my beautiful children I would like to share with my readers some of my insights I have gotten as we cross the ‘bridge’ and  ‘go off the derech’ (or on!) with pride!

Rules broken so far:

1. Not wearing my ‘shietel’.

As I leave the house I get persistent reminders.

Child: Hey Mummy! You’re not dressed yet!

Me: Yes I am!

Child 3: You forgot your shietel

Me: I dont need a shietel I have REAL hair and I look just fine!

So… as I revell at deserting my fake hair I look at myself in the mirror and see ME for the first time in 12 years! Do I feel ‘not dressed’? No, I dont! I actually feel like a part of my body which I killed a decade ago has revived itself and I embracing it and giving it the daily TLC it deserves.

As for my poor head covering sitting folorn on the shietel head at the bottom of my cupboard, this will be a symbol for my future grandchildren of Bubby’s mesiras nefesh to go and discover her true self. Indeed where has my head been all these years??

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Rabbi Elyashiv’s Legacy of Women’s Pain

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Leaving it all behind….

Thinking of what we leave behind makes it all the more harder to leave. By creating a community where we can support and provide a network makes the transition that much easier.

We aim to provide the kind of support where it is unconditional. Sadly so many of us are subjected to discrimination because of lack of support since we are not ‘toeing the line’. There are so many out there who want to leave but know they will suffer the consequences if they do leave.

Having a network of people who just understand and by sheer numbers we can create a stronghold for ourselves as we make those first tentative steps to try and integrate, we will be able to strengthen ourselves and each other by coming together and looking out for one another.

This is the aim of Gesher!


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